Behind the windows of my soul

And my first weigh in is….

145.5 at 12:40pm on 1/17/12 …here we go!

On that note…

Today!!!  January 17, 2012 … is the day that I will begin this new healthy lifestyle journey on my new private tumblr page :)   so far… i’m hungry lol. but it is 12:23am, therefore I am going to call it a night. I will weigh-in tomorrow and maybe take some “before” pictures..  Goodnight to my zero followers ;)  haha

Honestly…

I just need to absorb life as it is. I am constantly letting the world define who I am, when I know I am better than that. I have flaws- yes, I am not denying that, but to feel so ashamed of who I am and what I look like because of what I see on television and in the magazines, now that just sounds crazy. In reality, this happens to most of us. We don’t notice it, but when you think about it you will understand. Who defines what beautiful, skinny, average, unique, fat, stupid, etc., really is? Why should we all be striving towards being the same as one another. I guess what all my rambling is trying to get at is.. why do I feel like I’m not as good as everyone else, meanwhile nobody truly knows what “good enough” is. Even when I think to myself “Today is a new day and I’m gonna change!”, a little voice in the back of my mind tells me “yeah right..” It is so discouraging. I wish I could control myself like a Sims character. I would exercise, eat, sleep, study, shower, everything- all on a simple cue and be forced to do it without being able to put it off. Sometimes I just wish life was as easy as that. But then I think again- would all of this really be worth it if it were that easy? Probably not. This life is a huge adventure and we all carve our own separate path. Nobody has seen, felt, heard, or experienced everything that you have. We all lead our own lives in the direction we choose. So even though I have no complete guide or control over my life or what happens… I will try to do my best.